BANG!

So, we're sitting down...TV's on to Big Bang Theory...we each have our own laptop running.

4 year old Chloe is playing on the Playhouse Disney web site. it's really cute to see her with her little fingers working the tough pad...index finger of her right hand on moving the cursor, index finger on her left hand clicking the left mouse button. face intent on the screen as she's going through a Little Einstein's story or coloring Handy Manny.

We like the BBT theme song, and together we all shout "BANG" at the end of the song. "...it all started with a bang. BANG!"

But chloe's too in to her game, and Jenny wasn't really paying attention...so it was just me shouting BANG. I poked Chloe and said "BANG!" She ignored me. I pushed her again, shouted "BANG!" She ignores me. This going on for probably 3 straight minutes. She's just happily ignoring me, playing her game.

I say to her..."hey...you didn't say BANG"! She finally looks away from the computer and says "I'll say it as soon as I'm done with my game!" Jenny and I crack up. We get a kick out of little tough guy chloe. So we pester her some more, i put my hand in front of the laptop display. She tried pushing us away, then finally turns her back on the computer, sits on the ground, arms in front of her chest, pouty lip. just playing it up for all it's worth. The kid is a crack-up.


This is my family. It comes from my mom. We've always antagonized and terrorized one another. Everyone laughed, of course, except the target. We'd give my neice Mairi (pronounced Mary) a hard time when she was two...she's wearing a little mermaid tee-shirt, and we'd ask..."who is that...jasmine?" "no, it's ariel", says Mairi. "Is that Beauty?" "No...it's ariel". "is it Snow White?" "No...it's ARIEL!" and on we'd go until little Mairi is screaming and we're all laughing so hard we're crying.

For Christmas on year my mom bought a couple of gag gifts, and got my brother a Ross Perot t-shirt...i think Jerry got a kick out of him or something. But she gave the t-shirt to me. I opened it, looked at mom, and asked "what the hell is this?" She thought it was me who liked Perot...so every Christmas I had to give mom guff about not wanting another Perot t-shirt.

As a teenager I stuffed my mom's cigarettes with cigarette loads...she'd get soooo mad...partially at being surprised, partially at ruining a cigarette. i'd laugh....and push the load further into the next cigarette.

We'd end our phone conversations with "yeah, well i'm tired of talking to you, so i'm gonna go", to which the response is "yeah? well i was tired of talking to you before we started." mom would laugh whenever she got to say it first.

We'd have childish fun saying to one another "everyone likes me best" and "i called everyone up and they all said the hate you!" or my mom and me (or one of us and amy) could get into a converstaion that went something like this:

• "uhn-uhn"
• "uh-huh"
• repeat until someone in the room screams!
  

We have the most evil laughs...always to the benefit of someone elses folly. We were just rotten, and loved it.

I think I started telling chloe that nobody liked her before she was 6 weeks old. One of Jenny's aunts got really upset hearing me tell that to chloe when she was around 3...until chloe responded with "nobody likes YOU". We just shorten it to "NOBODY!"

We play a little game. My buddy told me on one of our trips up north for golfing that his family played a game when the traveled. The people on each side of the car were on a team. If you saw a group of cows on your side of the car, you earned one cow. If you passed a cemetary on your side of the car, the other team had to notice it and claim it, and you'd lose your cows. Well, the way me and jenny and chloe play it is just if you pass a cemetary the other team yells "You're a cow loser." doesn't matter if you had cows...all we care about is calling each other cow-losers. Chloe loves the game too, and gets the greatest s**t-eating grin on her face.

Chloe is my mother incarnate. Mom LOVED that. We look so forward to watching her grow up and cause trouble for everyone else.



On the sad side...my uncle passed away last week. My dad's younger brother, Larry. He moved away from Michigan to Connecticut...I don't ever remember him living here. None of us kids are able to go, none of us are in the financial situation to go. Dad went with his other brother, my uncle Wayne. Uncle Larry was married for a little while, but divorced after a few years...Aunt Robin realized all Uncle Larry really wanted was a maid and a cook. So I think Dad and Uncle Wayne are going to have to help get things straightened up out there.

Well...it's been a while. When I wrote the first handful of pages, I was really really down. Writing this helped, and getting a little feedback from my friends helped a lot too.

Mother's Day was somewhere around my last post. That was a very tough day.

Then mom's birthday was May 29th. It wasn't quite as hard as I thought it would be...I think I used up a lot of pain during Mother's Day. We got together and spent the evening together on Mom's birthday. We had dinner and played Wii, and basically just spent time together.

Amy called me later and said she was really sad that we didn't really do anything or say anything about mom or really honor her in any way. I understood, but I told her that I didn't think we were really able to do that yet. She agreed...but was still sad.

We always loved mom's birthday. She loved getting presents...she loved having cake...loved getting together with everyone. She was like a little kid on her birthday. And with the grandkids, it was just so great.

We didn't really say "I love you" a lot with my mom. It was understood, something as common and true and universal as the sun coming up tomorrow. But we always took a minute to buy mom a nice card that we'd knew would make her cry...mom cried real easy.

Which is why I'm writing tonight. Chloe's birthday was June 11th...and we still haven't celebrated it. We were going to do it around her birthday, but she ended up having Strep Throat.

My birthday was June 14th. Between me and Chloe, we always had everyone over for cake and ice cream. Since it's June, it's always a nice day. I haven't celebrated my birthday at all, told Jenny not to do anything special.

Despite all that, I've been doing okay emotionally since around Mom's birthday. But today's been kind of tough. Some work/not-work things are going on, we're in a tough spot financially, and I haven't been taking my meds very well. I also haven't been getting out much at all. Oh, and it's been raining every day this week...so I haven't been able to get out and work on getting Chloe's bday present - a swing set - up.

I've kind of been coasting along for a few days, just waiting for the dam to break. It really did today...and I blame Finn. We're on day 2 of the lastest werewolf game at TCF. I've been posting a lot over there, and Finn mentioned something about it. I mentioned a little something about things not going well with work, and that just kind of broke everything open and sent me spiralling. (i don't really blame finn)


We went to see Wall-E tonight. It was a VERY sweet movie...probably not quite as funny as I thought it was going to be, and not quite as much for the kids as I thought it was going to be. But it was a very sweet movie...at one point I thought it was actually quite beautiful.

Chloe spent a good part it in Jenny's lap, with her hands over her eyes. Chloe's been more easily scared lately, and the music in movies can kind of set her on edge. But when the movie was over and Peter Gabriel sang the closing credits, she jumped off her seat and thanked both of us for taking her to the movie saying that she really loved the movie.

That was nice. We got in the car and headed home. I had to stop for gas as I was past EMPTY. But the nearest gas station had gas at $4.49 for premium (needed for my Mazda Speed6). I decided I'd just put in $5...forgetting that that would only give me about a gallon!!

Got in the car and headed to the highway. Love my car...has a lot of get up and go. I had a cold-air intake installed, and the car throws 300 horse...and just goes. Chloe loves it too. After entering the highway I got off the gas and cruised until we got down to 80 and I set the cruise.


Then "Young Love" by the Judds came on. I love this song...the harmony is great...but the story is so sweet, just an uncomplicated look at first love.

Sitting cross legged on the hood of a ford
filing down her nails with an emory board
talking to her friends about people they knew
and all the things that young girls do.

just listening wynona judd singing about this makes me think of another time, when everything was summer.

the song describes the shyness and awkwardness and the sweetness of young love. I'm not going to make you read all the lyrics, but the ones that brought tears to my eyes were later...

well from that day on
you couldn't keep them apart
they were side by side, and heart to heart
her mama cried when billy slipped the ring on her finger
and when the baby was born, she was crying again.


oh. this was my mom. i'm sure it was everyone's mom, but this was the defining kind of thing for my mom...the closeness, the love, the joy. When we told my family were were getting married, they were so happy...and my mom cried. at my wedding, she cried.

(okay, i'll admit it here. I also cried at my wedding, choked back tears and couldn't speak my vows. I was so touched by what was happening. I remember Jenny coming down the aisle. We got married in a cute little small historical church. We guys came in with the preacher - me, my brother Jerry as best man, and my friend Larry. We had Canon in D played, and the girls walked down. Then they shut the doors at the back of the church, Jenny and her father got in line, and they opened the doors. I could have started crying right there. The doors faced the south, and when they opened the doors the sun shone in around Jenny and her Dad from behind. All I could see were them silhouetted with the sun shining around them, couldn't make out any details. It was like looking into the sun, and it was just beautiful. Jenny wore a full blusher or vail over her face, and she and her dad walked down the aisle to us. When they got to us, her dad stopped her, lifted her vail, and gave her a gentle kiss. Then he replaced the vail and put her hand in mine. Readings were First Corinthians and Ruth...I start tearing up thinking of them. A nice song. And then I had to start talking. Trying to repeat after the preacher, I started choking up right at the beginning...and barely made it thru.

That's the way we are...and it's because of our parents...both my mom and dad. When Christine got married the year after us (or was it two?), she started crying at her vows. Ian was smart and brought tissue with him to wipe her eyes as she spoke her vows.


So anyways, that's the way were are. we don't need to say the words all the time, it's as universal or automatic or unconditional as the day following the night.


But we cry. And that song really made me cry, thinking of my mom. I ask myself every day "how can she be gone"... how is it i'll never see her again or talk to her again. i know everyone goes thru this.


Then, after "Young Love"...the VERY NEXT song that came on was "Don't Take The Girl" by Tim McGraw. I had to skip the song or I would not have been able to see.


I have a wonderful wife and daughter. We got a new kitty a few weeks ago. I'm very blessed, and I have been very blessed. I'm very thankful for what I have had. But I miss my mom.


Thanks.

watching house tonight i realized something.

we're watching the season finale of house, where wilson's girlfriend amber dies. (i'm really disappointed with tonight's episode...seems to me a cheap way to tug on the emotions)

but watching it really brought sadness for jenny...thinking about how things went for her mom during her last month. Peggy had a seizure and spent a few days in the hospital. they couldn't figure out what was wrong with her, but they sent her home. she went back in a week later with diverticulitis. She developed breathing problems, the diverticulitis burst, and she started suffering multiple organ damage.

we felt that the hospital did a very bad job taking care of her, and there was a lot of bitterness. we let our doctor (who was Peg's doctor) know that we were pretty upset with the hospital care, and also upset with his care.

a few months later our doctor sat us down and talked to us. he said that, after reviewing everything, his biggest regret was that he hadn't impressed upon the family exactly how sick Peg really was.

Peggy was in end-stage kidney disease, and was no more than a few months away from needing kidney dialisys. the kidney disease factored significantly into her death. we just didn't really understand that.


as i said, we were really unhappy about the way things went with the hospital. while watching some tough scenes on House, Jenny was hit pretty hard by grief. she said the hospital scenes really brought up all the pain of the how we felt in the hospital.

i had a really bad night last night, having such vivid dreams that felt like real life. the dreams weren't sad dreams, the were dreams about the fun times we spent together. in fact, it didn't even feel like dreaming - it felt more like a vision or reliving it...everything felt so real. i also had a dream about my dad dying, and i woke up out of my dream sobbing.


with 3 deaths last year and jenny's father's death 2 years ago, there's always something that's going to come up making us think of them. it's no wonder we always feel like we're behind the eight ball.

TEK*

and no...i'm not talking william shatner "novels".

I've never been overly imaginative or creative when it came to making up cool names, user names, ids, team names, whatever. My buddy Jim Graves would name his fantasy hockey team things like The GraveDiggers...other stuff like that. I think one year I used my hometown and called my team the Melvindale Sharks.

The next year I decided that was stupid and didn't come up with a name. Since I ran the league, I could just call myself The Ed King Team.

I ran a golf league. Other people came up with The Masters, or the Shankers, or ThroatWobblerMangrove. I just registered our league as The Ed King League. I guess it made an impression on some of the golf course workers...after not playing at the Links of Novi for 4 years I ran into one of the guys that worked at the course and he says...Hey...it's Ed King of The Ed King League!

So when I started playing fantasy football, again I was just The Ed King Team. The bright fellow running the league started calling my team TEKT. I thought that was kinda cool (not the eponomous-ness...just thought TEKT looked kinda cool.

So this is The Ed King Blog...TEKB.

Another Note On Amy

My sister is one of the most generous, loving people I know. (She's also the most crabbiest, crankiest, stubborn people I know...but this is a nice post).

I've been a self-employed software development contractor for 10 years. I've made a nice coin. I've spent most all of it and more. My wife is a school-teacher, and that's a pretty decent job in Michigan.

In September 2006 I was released from my long-term contract as the company went through a significant down-sizing. Here in the Detroit area the economy has gone in the dumper pretty badly. I thought my skillset would make it easy to land a new contract. But I was off for 9 months, and burned through all my tax money and savings.

Amy doesn't make much, her raises are in the 25 cent or 50 cent range. If her friend didn't live with her, I'm not sure that Amy could make her house payment.

Several months during my downtime my sister Amy gave me a little envelope with $300. Having little money for herself, she sacrificed for someone who should have taken better care of himself.

Happy Birthday Amy.

Okay...I'll get back to the wedding weekend later...it was terribly depressing.

Today is my sister Amy's birthday - today she turns 36. I'm sure it's a very tough day today for her, basically being the closest to my mom.

Amy hasn't been as fortunate as the rest of us kids. My brother and I both left college before finishing because we got into the IT world. My sister Christine got married and moved across the river to Windsor. I got married in 95, Christine got married in 96, and Jerry got married in 98. Christine had a daughter (Mairi) in 2000, then Caileigh in 2002. We had Chloe in 04, and Jerry had his son Ethan in 05. Jerry and his wife April are now expecting their second child in August.

Amy never did well at school, so I think she only took a few college classes. She didn't luck into any good jobs like Jerry and I did. So she was at home until probably 4 or 5 years ago. She's had some medical problems - thyroid problems, bell's palsy which hasn't entirely gone away, weight issues, depression.

Amy moved out...maybe at the age of 31...buying a small house very near my parents. I know she felt embarrassed at living at home at her age, so it was very important for her to move out. Her best friend Dawn moved in with her. She started puttering around outside and put in a garden, much like my mom had at her house. They'd compare, trade, give each other garden advice.

My parents started going to a nearby church about 7-8 years ago. Amy was kind of depressed - a lot of it had to do with not being married and having kids. Of any of us kids, we've always felt that Amy would be the best with kids. She's the most considerate, caring, thoughtful of us. As we've each had kids, Amy has been GREAT Aunt Amy. She just loves taking care of the kids. Which made it so tough for her to see us all have spouses and kids.

My mom talked Amy into going to their church, sort of help Amy with the way she felt about things. Amy started going, and she really enjoyed it. As much as anything else, she really enjoyed the community. She made a lot of friends...and my mom and her actually shared a bunch of friends.

Amy lost a lot of weight over the last couple of years. She's exercising more. She'd walk over to my parents house, even in the winter. She liked a guy at church, but he kind of played a lot of games with her. But she got out there and started living. She was proud of her house, and really loved to work in the garden. She was really building up her self-esteem.


Amy was the closest with my mom. Amy called my mom probably 4-5 times a day from work, just to say hello, BS. She'd stop over my mom and dad's house probably every day. They went to church together, and did a lot of the church activities together. They went shopping together. Gardened together.


I'm sure this is Amy's sadest birthday.

Wedding This Weekend

Today's my Mom & Dad's anniversary...but I won't get to spend any time with my dad.

We have a wedding to go to on Jenny's side of the family. Her mother's family is really close - seems like most of the Dani's and St. Julianna's migrated to a little town in Upper Michigan called Hermansville - north of Escanaba.

Peg (Jenny's mom) had a brother and a sister...and their families lived up in Escanaba. When Jenny was young, they'd take a couple two or three trips up north in the summers, and Peg's sister's and brother's family came down to Peg's house for the Thanksgiving holiday.

While up north, Jenny spent time with her extended family. Let's see...Jenny's nona (Italian for grandmother) had 7 siblings...and her nunu (sp? Italian for grandfather) had seven or eight siblings. Much of the family lived up there, so it was like a huge family reunion whenever the family would go up there. Huge family.

Jenny's sister Darcy moved up there when she turned eighteen. Some sort of mother-daughter thing. After Darcy was married for a few years she moved to Appleton, Wisconsin...near Green Bay.

So in the 13 years that we've been married, we've gone up there at least once a year. Most times we'd go sepatately from Peg & Ed - they'd stay up there for 2-3 weeks. Many times Darcy would come up to Escanaba, and some of the time we'd take an extra few days to go visit Darcy in Appleton.

Probably one of the nicest times was when we took a spur of the moment trip at Darcy's 40th birthday. Peg and Ed were going to be there, but nothing special was planned. I think we flew into Milwaukee and drove up from there on a mid-week day. We stopped in to see Darcy at her job at Fox Rivers Bank...and she was really excited to see us. She was in a bit of a bad mood, things weren't going so great at work...she'd been looking down when we walked in...and she started saying "You...." without looking up...when she looked up she said "...You're my sister!!" It was a really nice visit. oh...i can't believe she's gone.


So, this weekend is a wedding...let's see...it's Jenny's 2nd cousin, Luke. He's probably 12 years younger than Jenny...so she doesn't know Luke and his sister Danelle very well.

But this weekend is going to be hard on Jenny. It's the first family get-together in a three years that isn't a funeral. But for something like this we would most likely have driven with Peg & Ed...and we'd have really looked forward to seeing Darcy. In fact, Jenny mentioned that for about half a second she was thinking about seeing Darcy this weekend.

*sigh*.