watching house tonight i realized something.

we're watching the season finale of house, where wilson's girlfriend amber dies. (i'm really disappointed with tonight's episode...seems to me a cheap way to tug on the emotions)

but watching it really brought sadness for jenny...thinking about how things went for her mom during her last month. Peggy had a seizure and spent a few days in the hospital. they couldn't figure out what was wrong with her, but they sent her home. she went back in a week later with diverticulitis. She developed breathing problems, the diverticulitis burst, and she started suffering multiple organ damage.

we felt that the hospital did a very bad job taking care of her, and there was a lot of bitterness. we let our doctor (who was Peg's doctor) know that we were pretty upset with the hospital care, and also upset with his care.

a few months later our doctor sat us down and talked to us. he said that, after reviewing everything, his biggest regret was that he hadn't impressed upon the family exactly how sick Peg really was.

Peggy was in end-stage kidney disease, and was no more than a few months away from needing kidney dialisys. the kidney disease factored significantly into her death. we just didn't really understand that.


as i said, we were really unhappy about the way things went with the hospital. while watching some tough scenes on House, Jenny was hit pretty hard by grief. she said the hospital scenes really brought up all the pain of the how we felt in the hospital.

i had a really bad night last night, having such vivid dreams that felt like real life. the dreams weren't sad dreams, the were dreams about the fun times we spent together. in fact, it didn't even feel like dreaming - it felt more like a vision or reliving it...everything felt so real. i also had a dream about my dad dying, and i woke up out of my dream sobbing.


with 3 deaths last year and jenny's father's death 2 years ago, there's always something that's going to come up making us think of them. it's no wonder we always feel like we're behind the eight ball.